Tanner and I have recently been talking to our mentors about personal and marital growth, as well as hopes for the future. They were talking about perspective shifts that transformed their relationship, and this statement was at the top of the list. They said whenever they get in an argument or a passionate discussion, one of the most helpful things is when one of them pauses and says, “Let’s be on the same team.”
The idea wrapped up in that statement is that if we, as a unit, are on opposite teams, neither of us ever wins. If our marriage is a competition, and I crush Tanner in winning against him, we both lose, because our marriage suffers. However, if we are on the same team, we both win, regardless of whose thought was “right”.
I want to be on Tanner’s team. I also want to be on my fellow trainees’ team. I want to be on the universal Church’s team. I want to be on God’s team.
How often do we face an uncomfortable situation with the statement, “I hate the idea of doing this thing, so I know God is going to make me”? Yikes. That mindset completely pits my hopes against God’s great good thing for my life, and if I push and strain against Him, Jonah’s story proves the point: in any relationship where I fight to win over the other person, we both lose. God gets rejected and my hopes are ultimately crushed.
I want to face the future by aligning myself on my husband’s team, and together choosing to be on God’s team. If we’re trying to win, I’d much rather win God’s way together.
