crash wedding diet

I’m not stressed out. 

You’re stressed out.

You’re projecting your stress on to me.

Side note: did you know that when I’m stressed (which I’m not) my body decides it isn’t really hungry and, in order to avoid nausea, I’m most content on Gina’s Y2K Liquid Diet.  But I’m not stressed out.

There are pieces of wedding planning that I thought would be difficult, like invitations and food and clothes. Turns out, no big deal. Do you want to know what has actually been the most harrowing on my nerves and overall well-being? RSVPs and the rehearsal dinner. No one warned me about those things! No one told me jack about the internal angst that would spring up from random emails telling me who is or isn’t coming to a party that I’m throwing in a place I’ve never been. And am I throwing this party or are my parents?

Which naturally flows into my colorful portfolio of current stress dreams. Like the one where Eminem is giving me poetry/rap lessons and then my dad shows up at my practice session, but I’m embarrassed and think he won’t enjoy poetry culture, so I ask him to go away. In the dream, his feelings are hurt so my feelings are hurt and I go to him to try to fix it and then my mom tells me his feelings were never hurt in the first place, but I miss the poetry show.  Or the dream where I can’t get into my mailbox, no matter how certain I am that I know the combination. Or the dream where it’s like the day of the wedding and Tanner shows up to marry me, but it isn’t him anymore, but everyone else thinks it is, and how does a girl deal with that?

I’m a little stressed out.

But the moments of quiet have been a blessing as well as a reminder. Sitting in the silence doesn’t feel like sitting with a stranger anymore. Lately, quiet feels like a warm cup of tea, over which God and I talk quietly and he reminds me of his big love for me, and my family, and the world. So I can stress, and you can stress if you want, but even stress that functions as a crash wedding diet kind of loses its luster when it gets compared to big love.