talking about truth

 we've been talking a lot about truth these days.  

how do we define truth? 

do we own the truth we know,

 or do we merely believe it without internalizing? 

do we hold truth closer than doubt? 

do we live in it even without the affirmation of others? 

do we replace truth with conviction?

are the answers to these questions applicable to our generation,

or just me in my situation?

this isn't a poem, it's a pondering. a friend here at the training center has been surveying our classmates in pursuit of the answers to these questions, and he is convinced millennials and gen-z are moving to a place where doubt is at the core of everything we believe or become convicted of. we are a generation bent toward tolerance and flexibility and the idea of absolute truth strikes us as improbable.  

i am convinced of the absolute truth of God and His Word. i know that. and yet, when someone asks me, "what would science have to do to prove God does not exist?" i consider the question.  it feels wrong not to consider the question. does that mean i have a core of doubt? what does typing this say about me and my beliefs?

i believe the truth that God is love, because i have experienced it. i believe the truth that God offers peace that passes understanding, because i am unsure of many things in many ways but i know He walks with me every step of the way, and that soothes my soul. but are there places where i hold my doubt closer than the truth i know?

Speaking Truth

I think we tend to forget how often God uses other people to speak truth into our lives.  A week ago, Pip invited me over for coffee and a chat.  Granted, it ended up being more like an afternoon tea, but it was an appreciated time of fellowship anyway.  It started with friendly conversation, segued into a separate chat with a national lady, and concluded with a poignant exhortation:

"Every time we think 'I am too nervous' or 'I am too scared' or even 'Man, I am good at that' remember, I AM sent me. I have nothing to do with it."

These words reminded me of encouragement I received from a brother in a Christ a few years ago.  "You can either be self-conscious or God-conscious.  You have to pick one or the other."

This is an easy concept, maybe, to grasp with my Big Picture glasses on.  In daily life, it's a different story.  God is constantly growing and changing me, but there are still so many ways in which self-conscious could be my middle name. 

For example, Hala has a large art project that she wanted my help with. Initially, I was all for it when I thought I could convince her that I shouldn't do much aside from providing guidance.  As it became more apparent that I would personally have to put my own art in the open for everyone to see, I grew irritable and defensive.  In short I was self-conscious.

What if they hate my interpretion of a flower? What if I get the colors wrong? What if I screw up? What if I disappoint Hala and her parents with what I produce? What if no one likes it? What if they all realize I'm an artistic fraud?

Eventually, this prayer worked its way through my clenched teeth: "God, I don't know what to do.  Just let this bless them and that will be enough." I don't know if they've been blessed by this art intensive week or not.  All I know is ,once I finally let go and painted as to God, the peace and joy in my heart is boundless. And I actually enjoyed myself.  That isn't the important part, but it certainly didn't hurt either!