I’ve been thinking a lot about Home, about the future, about the dull exhaustion headache always behind my eyes. In this past week of break at home, I remembered how easy it is to fall back into my old pattern. I barely read any of my Bible, felt guilty when I wanted time alone, and allowed the numb apathy of depression to hold sway or my thoughts and actions. For the first time, I consider dropping out of Bible school. The thought of coming back was unbearable and overwhelming.
Why does everything feel so mountainous?
How will anything make me care?
A couple things stood out to me this morning, and while they haven’t exactly fixed everything that has gone haywire in my brain, it’s good for thought.
Number One: Job 42:1-2 - “Then Job answered the LORD and said: “I know that you can do all things and no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.”
Number Two: a quote from Paul Stutzman.
“I walk through the low valleys on this trail and see dead trees and decaying matter and I’m reminded of the death of Jesus. But I continue on to higher elevations and see new growth and new life that reminds me of His resurrection.
“That’s the rhythm of our spiritual lives too. We walk through valleys, we lose loved ones, we suffer, we struggle, we experience many kinds of deaths. We travel on and we reach a higher plane, where we pause to enjoy the views, look back to remember where we came from and look forward to mysteries still ahead of us.
“But we do not stay on the exhilarating mountaintop. If we sat there and never moved on, the views would no longer be enjoyable. And so we go on, just as we do on the trail.
“After valleys and struggles and even deaths, we always have the hope of new life. Someday we’ll pass through the last valley and finally reach the last mountaintop and we’ll never be bored by the glorious view that awaits us there.”
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