joy

I've been thinking about joy lately.  What does it look like? How do you know someone is feeling it?  Is it a feeling or a state of being or both? Can it co-exist with sorrow, stress, and anxiety? Could someone have the joy of the Lord and not experience it every single moment?

Normally I ask all of these questions, and then I write about what I've learned. This time, I'm still thinking.

I was doing small yoga this morning (that means just a little bit), still wondering about joy, and the only sort of conclusion I've come to is the song my mom used to sing when I was a child.  "The joy of the Lord is my strength. The joy of the Lord is my strength."  Just that one line over and over.

Tanner and I get married in three days.  Maybe it's a bride-zilla thing to say, but the majority of our wedding is not going to look how I began to envision it would in December.  So many last minute decisions need to be made, and I care too much.  My former expectations need so badly to be thrown away, and it's hard work.  But we don't give up, we keep moving forward despite the tears.

I don't know all of the things joy looks like, but I think one of them is strength when things are hard.

One Small Step

Mom, do you remember when I was a kid and we listened to Jungle Jam and Friends? I find myself humming one of the tunes from the show all the time these days. "If I take one small step, one step at a time/ I can do anything that I have in mind." Baby steps. We can do this.

When I left the US, I didn't anticipate having any real health issues.  I mean, sure, I thought maybe I would have a few hiccups especially considered my plant based diet.  Going to the doctor in a foreign country, though, absolutely not.  Except, that's where I'm going next week.

I feel like everything was chill and there was an easy groove forming.  "All was well."  Then everything decides it wants to hit the fan at once.  Okay, God, where are You going with all of this?

So, I'm just going to explode information, take a deep breath, and keep taking baby steps.

1) Starting in March, I noticed some irregularities in my cycle.  Okay, weird, but nothing panic inducing.  We're going on three months of nothing, though, and Google says that merits a doctor appointment.  Google obviously knows best, which is why I'm headed to an ob-gyn and blood lab.

2) One hundred days. (Give or take a few.) That's it until I board an airplane and head back home. But for how long? I requested info on coming back to teach in the Philippines a couple months ago, and it all looks like I would be permitted to return, but is that what will bring God the most glory? Do I try to go back to school in for spring semester 2018? Lord, what would You have?

And then, in the middle of this slowly building stress post, I got a package from my sister.  She isn't a Believer, but she has sent goodies from home on numerous occasions.  That the package would arrive in our village today of all days, when there wasn't even a scheduled supply flight, just fills my heart to overflowing.  God used her to give me the encouragement I needed.  I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, He will provide the answers for "What next?" in the most unexpected way.  

If I take one, small step/ One step at a time/

I can do anything/ He has in mind/

Whether I stumble/ Whether I fall/

I'll just take one, small step/ One step at a time