Step One (or is it Step Two?)

Dorm rooms.  Don’t tell anyone, but I’ve never actually lived in one until today. Well, yesterday. Anyway the point is that I escaped dorm living for nearly a quarter of a century. No more.

After a brief stay at my parents’ home in NY, I have relocated to America’s Dairyland. A vegan in dairyland.  Granted, I actually didn’t know Wisconsin’s slogan until I got here and read the blurb on every license plate, but the facts don’t change. 

Both of these realities are inconsequential in the grand scheme of life. It is shocking how much thought insignificant things can hijack though. These temporary inconveniences are silly. I know they are.  I know I should be focusing on the fact that I’m in Dairyland for Bible school. The focal point of each moment should be, “how can I serve God radically right now?”  That’s how it should be.

How it is, is that I am afraid.  I am tired. I am uncomfortable. And these might just being growing pains. And everything is probably going according to plan. And obviously, Vivian, your humanity is ridiculous and if you would just chill out and trust God to give you the peace He literally promises to give, it actually will be okay.

Breathe in.

Step one was getting here.

Breathe out.

I am here.

Breathe in.

Step two is staying here.

Breathe out.

God is here.

One Small Step

Mom, do you remember when I was a kid and we listened to Jungle Jam and Friends? I find myself humming one of the tunes from the show all the time these days. "If I take one small step, one step at a time/ I can do anything that I have in mind." Baby steps. We can do this.

When I left the US, I didn't anticipate having any real health issues.  I mean, sure, I thought maybe I would have a few hiccups especially considered my plant based diet.  Going to the doctor in a foreign country, though, absolutely not.  Except, that's where I'm going next week.

I feel like everything was chill and there was an easy groove forming.  "All was well."  Then everything decides it wants to hit the fan at once.  Okay, God, where are You going with all of this?

So, I'm just going to explode information, take a deep breath, and keep taking baby steps.

1) Starting in March, I noticed some irregularities in my cycle.  Okay, weird, but nothing panic inducing.  We're going on three months of nothing, though, and Google says that merits a doctor appointment.  Google obviously knows best, which is why I'm headed to an ob-gyn and blood lab.

2) One hundred days. (Give or take a few.) That's it until I board an airplane and head back home. But for how long? I requested info on coming back to teach in the Philippines a couple months ago, and it all looks like I would be permitted to return, but is that what will bring God the most glory? Do I try to go back to school in for spring semester 2018? Lord, what would You have?

And then, in the middle of this slowly building stress post, I got a package from my sister.  She isn't a Believer, but she has sent goodies from home on numerous occasions.  That the package would arrive in our village today of all days, when there wasn't even a scheduled supply flight, just fills my heart to overflowing.  God used her to give me the encouragement I needed.  I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, He will provide the answers for "What next?" in the most unexpected way.  

If I take one, small step/ One step at a time/

I can do anything/ He has in mind/

Whether I stumble/ Whether I fall/

I'll just take one, small step/ One step at a time