red wagon naps

Monday:

I’m supposed to be writing a praise psalm right now and instead I’m sitting at work, staring into the gloomy October void.  Circumstancially, my heart has very little praise in it right now.  Long term, my heart is good... Short term, I’m self conscious, over thinking, and maybe a little down.  And that’s fine.  Really fine.

Let me explain how this particular Monday feels: One of the fourth graders in our after school program came up front to sit with me because of a headache.  For the first fifteen minutes, the poor guy was a Tasmanian devil—1,000% out of sorts.  Like, he sat on a wagon and incessantly rammed himself into the brick wall.  Now, he’s curled up in the same red wagon, snoring for at least half an hour.  

Like my nine-year-old friend, I feel like I’m bashing my face into a wall, antsy and irritated.  And, if I had to guess, once I take a deep breath, I’m going to find myself in a similar, much needed comatose as well.

lately in photographs

(All my dorm girls out for tacos)

(After school kids prepping me for Halloween)

(Jo and I enjoying the last sunny/hot day)

this is for the best

I think I need to admit this to myself, as much as I should confess it publicly: it's all been a lie.  Autumn can't possibly be my favorite season  I mean, the crisp air is great, the color scheme is flawless, squash is in season and hot lattes are officially cozy.  You'd think--scratch that!  I thought it was my favorite season, hands down.  It should be!  But the sun is slowly spending more time wrapped in clouds and the days are growing shorter and cooler and I just want to be a hermit, wrapped in blankets like a human burrito.  Actual favorite season: July (also known as summer, but let's be real, they're basically synonymous in the northern midwest.)  Anyway, the weather is still nice enough for a morning/early afternoon walk and Lord knows I'll be taking one of those every day till snow sticks.

Shifting seasons aside, the past two weeks of class have been good.  Great, really.  Two weeks ago, it seemed like everyone was follow a theme of walking through trials, rather than trying to just get rid of them.  This exhortation was ridiculously timely.  1,000% honesty, there was (and continues to be) increasingly turbulent emotional situations in my dorm, to the extent that has us all asking, "When is it going to stop?"  The encouragement, though, is to walk through this.  So that's what we're going to do.  Everything I'm walking through, publicly or privately, is literally God's best for me and His glory.  And it's good.

Then, this week, the resounding note for me, at any rate, was, "Be who you are."  Now, I know that sounds very 21st century, but hang with me for a minute.  First, we were in 1 Peter during leadership chapel.  The challenge was to obey Christ's call to "be holy as I am holy," the point being that this is only possible because we, as believers, are literally dead except that Christ is alive in us.  All holiness is possible and even expected, if we're truly living our faith because every action will be dictated by who is truly alive in us: the great JC Himself.  Later, in Prophets class, we were finishing the book of Isaiah.  In the final chapters, Isaiah describes Messiah's armor WHICH IS THE SAME AS THE ARMOR WE ARE CALLED TO WEAR IN EPHESIANS 6.  Bros!  Be who you are!  Not only is Christ alive in you, but he's equipped you for battle, son!

I'm still fired up about it.

gluten-full or gluten-free

Brief prelude: I love food.  I also have a sweet tooth. Also, there’s a bakery twenty minutes away that makes vegan, cane sugar-less scones.  And I have some really great friends that went to experience that with me. (With the promise we’d go to a second bakery for them afterward.) Life is good.

(The first bite of a chunky monkey scone 😍)

(Marty, Acacia, Jenny, and me)

(Too many choices. Also, I dress like a hobo. It’s fine.)

Everybody Else is Doing It

There has been an outline for this update in my notebook for at least a week. Actually, 6 days.  In any case, it was a thought process long before it even made it to my notebook.  So here I am, and here you are, and we’re about to have story time.  I’ll wait right here if you want to go make us some tea.

Ready?

Okay, so all my friends started writing their monthly updates, and I was like, “Well, I try to update a couple times a month, but I’m definitely due...what do I even say?”  It took me a while, but like I said, I made an outline, and for sure number one is blessings.  I cannot begin to describe how floored I am at how God continues to provide for my needs daily.  

I’ve been stressed about food and finances coming into this semester. What can I afford, what is my weekly budget, how do I live on $18 a week and remain healthy?  But man! does God provide! We’re talking a random gift of $100 specifically for groceries within the first week of school.  Now the past two weekends, a local farmer has been dropping spare produce off FOR FREE. And my roommate is working at a farm where she is not only allowed to bring produce home, but they’re sending stuff home with her specifically for me.  God is GOOD, my friends!

Point number two: Emanate.  Students from my school had the opportunity to spend the weekend at a training center for missionaries up in Canada.  We spent our time in their “jungle camp,” living in homes made from materials similar to those a missionary in a bush location might have to build.  The first day, we sat in sessions that laid out the experience of learning new language and culture.  On our second day, we were challenged to consider the cost of missions, and to consider the cost worth it.  

And that’s about it!  You and me, same time next week? I’ll bring the snacks to make it easier on you.

Bye for now :) 

This spider was straight up posing with the sun at Emanate. He deserved a feature on the blog.

praying this morning

Abba, Father God,
it hasn't been that long since we've talked
but there's a burden
lingering on my back as if I've
been ignoring You.
Can we please talk, God?
Just the two of us in the quiet,
us in the garden,
working through how this old, heavy weight
behind my eyes grew
to the point, oh God,
where I keep cracking my face into
crumbling concrete and
that's a metaphor for forgetting
everything You do.
Like how my life, God,
would be nothing (no, really, nothing;
like in a trash can,
like no recycling, just straight refuse)
if not, God, for You.
Abba, Father God,
my Security,  my Foundation,
my Resurrection,
replace this weight with holy freedom
to wholly worship You.

I Actually Have Friends

(Part of my crew this year 😊 Left to right: Wesley, Mike, Emmie, me, Tanner)

(Emmie and I at Lake Superior for leadership training, even though you can’t see the lake. It’s there. I promise.)

(We’re very thug. And dramatic. And ridiculous.)

(And this picture is actually from my Montana trip with Gracie this summer, but I can’t talk about friends and not show off her beautiful face.)

People used to encourage me to be more outgoing and make friends because no man is an island, right?  Well, they were right and God has blessed me with some amazing human beings.