warm water

warm bed. warm hands.

warm thoughts. warm sand.

warm water; in a glass, not a bath,

no, no ice, it’s plenty nice

just warm.

cold water sweats and 

warm water gets cold;

lukewarm is consistent,

doesn’t make my brain freeze

or tongue blister. if you please,

i like my water warm.

cold is refreshing, true,

if it doesn’t crack a tooth

with climate change and

lukewarm won’t cool me down 

but i know it can swish around 

my mouth with ease.

hot can be cozy, can relax,

until one sip too hot, too fast

and everything tastes like ash for days.

lukewarm won’t warm me through 

but it’s safer than being burned to

crispiest crappy you’ve ever seen.

“i’d rather you were either 

cold or hot, instead of neither

here nor there.”

and i’m scared 

because cold means sweating 

and hot means playing 

with some kind of heat I

probably can’t handle.

warm bread. warm butter.

warm cookies. warm supper.

warm water; 

it’s familiar, not the best

it’s the middle of the rest

i guess

i’m scared of going all in 

to find that

cold warms up and hot cools down 

and in order to maintain

i have to change,

consistently choosing discomfort.

i like my water warm.

warm breath. warm breeze.

warm coffee.  warm sheets.

but warm life?

warm life...

not cold, not hot,

just meh. maybe not.

recently taken

(Tribal Cup with Marty and Andy)

(Anna and I tied for the win in an ugly sweater contest. Plot twist, I actually had no idea there was a contest.  I genuinely thought my sweater was cute.)

(Some of the faces I get to work with every day.)

Basic November Thinking

I’ve been reminded of how much God actually, really, truly loves me lately. (Which means I’ve had a lot of reasons to be thankful lately, but it’s November and my inner non-conformist can’t write that sentence without cringing and imagining poorly drawn turkeys.) 

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been given more little notes and food presents than I thought possible.  Honestly, that statement is true of this entire semester, though. My sweet friend Lydia left a note in my backpack to tell me how God’s light and peace has been especially evident in my life this semester. Another friend, Maggie, gave me a card filled with encouragement.  Someone else, who chose not to leave her name, left boxes (YES, PLURAL BOXES) of Larabars on my desk with a small card that brought me to tears.  I’m overwhelmed because I know I don’t deserve any of this, and God continues to show His love for me through the people around me.

For whatever reason, He has blessed me with more community than I ever asked for that show me love in ways I have never experienced.  It’s a constant flood. Between the girls living on 4th floor with me, to the mentors that open their home to me, to Tanner and even some of his friends...guys, I feel like this crew of Christians is beyond anything I could imagine and it doesn’t even touch Heaven!

God continues to teach me, too.  My class is just wrapping up classes on Theology and 1 Corinthians. My last paper for 1 Corinthians was on head coverings and, can I just tell you, it rocked my world.  I’m finally beginning to understand and wrap my head around the concept that the Biblical metaphorical headship of a man “over” his wife does not contradict the concept of equality.  Being created as complimentary beings does not place one sex over another. I love it!

Anyway, that’s where I’ve been at for the last chunk of time.  ✌🏼

more picture memories

(Emily, the lovely lady in the middle, and her husband open their home to me at least two or three nights a week.  They’re basically my school parents.)

(My CM chicas:)

(Definitely a garbage picture, but I like it anyway.  If you look closely, you can see where I have a butterfly bandage on my finger, where I lost a fight with a squash knife.)

Keepsake

I took sometime this afternoon to tuck some sweet notes of encouragement away in my journal.  This school never ceases to amaze me with the amount of people that go out of their way to show love to others.  The body of Christ is alive and active and I am blessed to be on the receiving end of its care so often. 

We’re half way through with semester numero dos, so I thought I might just take a minute to be fired up about some of the truth we’ve been talking about in class lately.  This week closes out nine-week studies on both Life of Christ and Prophets (mainly Isaiah, Jeremiah, and Ezekiel), and a three-week study on Man and Sin.  Man! I could spend forever ranting about how much sense Ezekiel makes when your perspective is to be in awe of and enamored with God’s radical glory.  Or about how comforted we can be in the reality that we’re all born dead and only once Christ is alive in us, that’s life!  The feelings of shame, fear, and guilt are signs of spiritual death and once alive, we are free from those chains! Can I get an amen?!

Have you ever heard the phrase, “To whom much has been given, much will be required”? Actually, I’m pretty sure that’s a verse in one of the Gospels. But either way it’s true!  I’ve been on the receiving end of so much care, and God has definitely been desirous to pour me out in return.  My introverted self has been taxed almost to the max.  I can’t remember the last time I was left alone to recharge for more than an hour in the gym before sunrise.  And yet, I have joy and the ability to continue to show love to the girls I live in community with on campus.  

praise

YAHWEH

He is as He is.

I AM.

Unfathomable.

Beyond the edge of the universe yet intimately breathing life into every cell of creation: God.

 THE God

(note the big “G” God,

and no

lower case nonsense),

outside of linear thinking and movement yet working within those confines for my sake. YAHWEH

God Who sees, hears, knows—

holy;

God above and below.

He’s an enigma, out of reach like a seed in water, unattainable and yet! He abides.

Constant

as twenty-four-hour days

so God

chooses to remain.

He meets me where I’m at and stays there

until I say, “Here I am, send me.”

“Abide

in me and I in you.”

His Word—

alive, speaking truth.

From age to age, He doesn’t change;

outside of time, so He is unaffected by seconds ticking by.

YAHWEH

He is as He is.

I AM.

Unfathomable.

red wagon naps

Monday:

I’m supposed to be writing a praise psalm right now and instead I’m sitting at work, staring into the gloomy October void.  Circumstancially, my heart has very little praise in it right now.  Long term, my heart is good... Short term, I’m self conscious, over thinking, and maybe a little down.  And that’s fine.  Really fine.

Let me explain how this particular Monday feels: One of the fourth graders in our after school program came up front to sit with me because of a headache.  For the first fifteen minutes, the poor guy was a Tasmanian devil—1,000% out of sorts.  Like, he sat on a wagon and incessantly rammed himself into the brick wall.  Now, he’s curled up in the same red wagon, snoring for at least half an hour.  

Like my nine-year-old friend, I feel like I’m bashing my face into a wall, antsy and irritated.  And, if I had to guess, once I take a deep breath, I’m going to find myself in a similar, much needed comatose as well.